BDSM: A BEGINNER’S GUIDE

It is possible that the world of BDSM is enticing you no end, but you are not being able to muster the courage to become a part of it. Perhaps this premise is too strange for you. Still, there is always time. However, a word of caution! When you first enter this world, things will certainly be too new and mysterious to you.

Finding the Best Device

Certainly, in order to make any sexual activity a success, you need to be confident about it. For an outsider, the world of BDSM may seem intriguing, and even dangerous, when they see pictures of people involved in BDSM acts and using bizarre-looking BDSM toys. But, this is totally wrong. If you know well about BDSM, you will understand the toys are not scary at all, and are very safe to use within limits, of course. That is why the world of BDSM has been branded as a safe, sane, consensual world.

Distinguishing between 'Real' and 'Role'

To indulge in BDSM, you need a partner who could be either a dominant or a submissive to you. Many people think that selecting a stranger is the best bet, for it is sometimes difficult for familiar people to indulge in such role-playing games. Whatever be the case, it is necessary that there should be a fair amount of role-playing in a BDSM act. Your partner will have to be either a dominant or submissive as the case must be. However, it is necessary to keep the line of difference between real and role. It just won't do to punish a partner for someone's real sin or fault through a BDSM act. Similarly, it is not good to use a BDSM toy just because you think your partner didn’t carry out the duties well. It's necessary to understand the difference and make mutual prior consents about the session.

Be Aware and Prepared for the Risks

With BDSM, things can become drastic. It is necessary to know what is really going to be involved in the act. BDSM can be painful, and if it goes wrong, even fatal. Therefore, it is absolutely vital to make limitations, and adhere to them. Make a prior verbal pact of what devices and toys you will be using, about the kind of behavior you are going to display and about your individual tolerance limits. This may be very necessary the first time, but as you have more sessions with the same partner, you will be better aware of each other's likes and dislikes.

Communicating during the Act

Routine communication during a BDSM activity is forbidden as it damages the role-playing experience, but the partners can – and must – use certain safe words to communicate, especially when things are going out of hand. These words are used to tell each other about when limits are being crossed, as it can often happen in BDSM. Small short words can be used to communicate this, or colors can be used. In BDSM, generally the use of red color is an indication for the other person to stop whatever he or she is doing, and yellow is a code to go easy on the act.

Another interesting way of communication is to use a number scale, which can indicate to your partner how soft or hard they must go with the BDSM toy they are using. If a scale of 1 to 10 were to be used, then the numbers 1 to 3 could indicate that you want a softer, more sensuous feel of the toy; while the higher numbers would indicate that you don’t mind making the act more violent.

It is true that in BDSM more control is vested in the hands of the dominant partner. It is his or her responsibility to make sure that limits are not crossed, and no real harm happens to the submissive partner. If you are going to be submissive and are not sure of how the dominant would behave, it is a good idea if possible to have a neutral third partner to maintain control over things.

Selecting the appropriate BDSM Toy

You might have already set your limits for the BDSM act, but there are certain toys that can prove to be a threat to life. Some people have fetishes for dangerous toys, like sharp-edged straps, but they could cause hurt to your partner if you are not careful. Amateurs to BDSM try to make do with things around the house. While this may not be always dangerous, it is necessary to ascertain that beforehand. Things found in the house have a specific purpose, and they might not be good for use in BDSM. That is why it is recommended that you pay a visit to the BDSM toy stores and get your things from there. Try to avoid things that have been untested and those that you cannot vouch for.

Care for the Other Partner

This is true and must be followed even if you are supposed to be the dominant partner. If things go wrong, then immediate measures should be taken to tone down the act. Cords must be loosened, or belts must be unfastened, for instance. Keep a set of precautionary devices at hand. If something untoward does happen, use these sex toys to free you partner. It is absolutely vital for you to take the moral responsibility of your other partner so that no actual harm is retained when the BDSM session is over.