SAFE WORDS – HOW TO USE THEM

BDSM is really gaining strength in the sexual world today. This is one field in which people can really let their hair down (in more ways than one!) and explore the pleasures of dominance and submission. BDSM can provide incredible feelings coupled with the sexual excitation. People who enter into this world usually begin with a small tryst and then push the plunger further and further, exploring new depths each time. But one thing to be borne in mind is that any play in the world of BDSM should be done under proper safety measures.

The BDSM Lingo of Safe Words

BDSM partners should make a language of their own. This language should be pre-decided and consist of a set of words – known as safe words – to be used when the play gets too rough. Here, the words do not actually mean verbal words; even a hand gesture or a blink of the eye can indicate a means of communication.

The Need of Having Safe Words

One of the most oft-repeated (and still undeniable) facts about BDSM play is that it is the most thrilling of all sexual acts. In fact, sometimes, the thrill may become so great that the dominating partner would not know where to put in the brakes. That is why it is necessary to understand limits. A bondage play must not go beyond the realms of safety. This is why submissive partners must use safe words to communicate to their dominant masters when they are going too far. Words like stop and no can be interestingly blended within the moaning and sighing of the submissive partner. This would not thwart the play, and would also indicate to the other partner that it is becoming too painful.

The top partner, or the dominant partner, should understand what the submissive partner – also known as the bottom partner – can endure. If the bottom dislikes what the top is doing, he or she has every right to pull back with the use of safe words. In some cases where speech is not possible – like when the bottom partner is gagged – other communication methods such as hand gestures should be employed.

Though BDSM reflects pain to an outsider, there should not be any lasting and real pain inflicted. Pain can never be sexy. The principle of BDSM is to create an atmosphere of pain, but to actually keep the game as safe as possible. In order to be safe to both partners, the use of safe words is necessary.

Using Safe Words in BDSM

1. Build up trust with your partner

You cannot enjoy BDSM if you do not trust the person you are involved with. Whatever kind of play you are having – a physical play using only body organs, or a play with rough sex toys – you must be sure your partner will not use them in a way so as to cause lasting pain. Your partner should be trustworthy enough to understand and implement your words when you tell that to him or her.

1. Decide on special words

When you are into BDSM play, it is quite normal to use words like ‘no’ and ‘please stop’. These words, though they may heighten the excitement, would not actually mean that you need your partner to stop. He or she could think that it is a part of your painful submissive role playing. So, you need to decide on some words beforehand. You can select an uncommon word like ‘desist’ or ‘retreat’, which would give a better idea of what you are trying to say.

1. Use communication other than words also

Do not stick to words as your only means of communication. The mouth can be restricted in several ways during BDSM, such as when the partner is gagging your mouth or forcefully inserting his penis or dildo into your mouth. For this reason, you will need other devices. One common use is of color cards. You can use a range of colors too. Like traffic signals, you can use green to indicate continuance, yellow to slow down and red to stop completely. A similar trick can be used with numbers.

1. Keep your safe word meaningful

You should not use your safe word in vain, or it will lose all its purpose. If you have chosen ‘back off’ as your safe word, but you use it when you don’t really want your partner to back off, you have destroyed its purpose. Also, if you use the safe word meaninglessly like this, your partner may not take it seriously when the actual time comes, such as when you are being punished with flogging BDSM toys or involved in some more risky game.

You can certainly get your maximum pleasure from BDSM either by using your mere bodies, or by using the rough BDSM toys that are available in the market. But be sure to keep the play safe, so that all the partners involved can really enjoy what is going on.