SEX TOYS AND YOUR LOVE LIFE

I began using sex toys quite late. I was 28 when I used my first vibrator. And this, despite my being quite open-minded and casual about sex! Actually, I never thought I would need something for my sexual pursuits. Sometimes I was just too embarrassed to go to a shop and look at the sex toys. I was always conscious at what the other people would say. I think that was the real reason why I never got a sex toy until then. And then, there was this nagging misconception too – only sluts use sex toys. Or perhaps boyfriends and girlfriends who are too scared to go all the way! Those were my ideas. Frankly speaking, I did not even know what kind of toy I must buy if I ever wanted one of them. The result was, I never used anything… not even a simple vibrator.

I was 28 when I saw Frank for the first time. We went regular for a while – dating and all that, and then we got close. We had our first sex in my home. Then he asked me – I don’t know why, but he did – ‘What do you use to masturbate?’ I was floored. I just told him about my fingers doing everything for me, and that was that. On the very next date, Frank bought a pretty little gift for me, in his own words. It was a vibrator. A very basic one it was – silver in color, shaped like a rocket missile, and he placed it just next to his erect penis for me to compare. That was when my longing for my vibrator began. I wanted to use it and see how it felt. I decided to use it when Frank wasn’t around. But there was no need at all. Frank himself used it on me, and showed me what real pleasure was.

Today I have a whole collection of sex toys. I use many of them when I masturbate, and there are many times when Frank and I use the toys together. I am sure the sex toys have brought us closer. We have been together two years. And sometimes we have nothing to say to each other. But even then, we aren’t bored! That’s really saying something.

So that is my story. Does it sound familiar to you? I know at least of a dozen women – I know them personally – who want to have sex toys, but are too intimidated to get them. Then I also know of some friends – my best girlfriend is one – who use sex toys when they are alone, but are too shy to show them to their partners. I was lucky to get to use a sex toy with my boy, but all women might not get the initiative from there. In short, it is very difficult for women to be open about using sex toys, just because of the misconceptions that abound.

Now here are three reasons why you must use sex toys

1. All sex toys feel good – No one can deny that fact. With a sex toy, you can have a greater orgasm. Plus, sex toys will improve your sexual life because it will make you more confident of your own body. That improves sex a lot.
2. All sex toys are fun – Even the most lovey-dovey of the couples will find monotony set in their lives after a couple of years. Sex toys help to add the zing to their lives. If you want to carry on a vibrant relationship, then sex toys are the answer.
3. All sex toys can improve your sexual encounters – There are many women who have difficulties in getting orgasms, and there are some who have never had an orgasm at all, despite an active sex life. Men may not be able to help their women all the time, as there could be problems with them such as erectile dysfunctions and premature ejaculations. For such couples, sex toys can help to give the woman the sexual satisfaction she deserves. Sex toys can be used to have a perfectly good sexual relationship in which both partners come out wet and satisfied.

These arguments do seem to make sexual toys look extremely attractive and things that a woman must have, but there is no denying the fact that most women are still queasy in the stomach about going to the stores and getting them. Even for men who want to coerce their women into using sex toys, the going may not be too easy. Frank went right with his approach, but all men would not react the same way. There could be some men who would even scorn at their women if they knew they were using sex toys for their solo pursuits.

Myths about Sex Toys

There is a vast plethora of myths that exist about the use of sex toys. But it is very important to understand the stupidity of them and to do what you feel is right. If a woman is dissatisfied sexually and using a sex toy, there’s nothing wrong about it. Also, there’s nothing wrong if a woman has a high libido and she uses sex toys when her partner is not around. The right thing to do among partners is to talk about the use of sex toys and get it perfectly clear why they are using it in the first place – and that applies for both men and women who use sex toys.

1. Sex toys are used by sexual perverts

This is definitely the greatest criticism leveled against sex toys. But the truth is – any sex store owner will tell you that – most of sex toys are bought by perfectly decent people in society. Perverts and sluts are not the only ones who use sex toys; in fact they don’t use it any more than other people do. There are doctors, housewives, lawyers, teachers, women and men from every field who are using sex toys in their homely confines. Remove the impression from your mind that you are weird if you are using a sex toy. Read some articles on the Internet if you have doubts. You will know how highly respectable people in society also use sex toys at home.

1. Sex toys are only masturbation aids

I will not deny that the main purpose of sex toys was masturbation, but the perspective has changed completely nowadays. Many couples are using sex toys in their bedroom episodes, and what’s more significant is that, they are also shopping them together. And this is regardless of whether they are straight, gays, lesbians, trans-genders, bisexuals and what not! In fact, a couple buying a sex toy together is a highly romantic thing to do, and it does not at all mean that there is something wrong with any of them. If your partner has any reservations, give him or her a book on the subject, or tell them to accompany you to a sex toy store and see the kind of shoppers that visit there.

1. Sex toys are used only when the sexual partner is inadequate in performance.

Nothing can be more wrong than that. We have already discussed this point before. Look how our sex toys have actually improved the relation between me and Frank. Of course, I use a sex toy, but that does not mean I do not like Frank’s huge throbbing penis as it enters my vagina. And I show my appreciation for his penis. In fact, Frank likes to be naked with me whenever possible. My sex toys will never replace Frank, and he knows that. If your relation has a trust up to that extent, the sex toy can only improve it further.

1. Sex toys are dangerous physically.

This is not even worth an explanation. Sex toys are made under highly stringent quality tests, and some of them are in fact doctor-prescribed. Some women are told to use dildos by their doctors when they are undergoing their menopauses. It can help in building up their vaginal tone. Now will doctors prescribe these sex toys if they were unsafe? Also, vibrators are prescribed to women who cannot get orgasms, or if their men are not able to have penetrative sex for some reasons. So, remove the idea from the mind that sex toys will harm you in any way. If you stick to the instructions on the box, and use them only in the way that they are intended to be used, then there will be no harm done at all.

1. Sex toys will kill your natural performing capacity.

This is an important part of the mythical folklore around sex toys. But a sex toy can never replace a live human being. As it happened with me and Frank, so does it happen with everyone. Frank and I still perform excellently without the vibrator. If you have been masturbating since you got your first zit, does that spoil your performance with your boyfriend? Not at all! Similarly, using a sex toy will not mar your performance with your man in any way. You will keep getting your orgasms for ever, irrespective of whether you are using sex toys or not.

1. Highly loving partners do not need sex toys.

We have already discussed this one. A sex toy will not take you away from your partner, but will actually bring you closer to him or her. Of course, communication is important. You must tell why you are using the sex toy, and what kind of pleasure it gives you. Be sure that you express your love for the real thing also. Tell that the sex toy is for adding to real physical sex with your partner, not for replacing it.

These are the common myths which deter partners from using sex toys. Once you have addressed these issues, you can begin breaking the ice of bringing a sex toy into your bedroom. Start slowly; do not take the big plunge all at once. If your partner is very conservative about using sex toys, begin with communication. Start talking to your partner about his or her body. Pamper the genitals, fondle and caress them. The whole idea is to get your partner hot. When you know the heat is turned on properly (you know what kind of heat I am talking about), bring your sex toy out.

You must be ready for unexpected reactions, but since you have talked about this before, it won’t be a total surprise. Tell your partner you are going to show them why you actually like your sex toy. Then, right in front of your partner, use the sex toy on yourself. When you masturbate with your sex toy in front of your partner – whether it is male or female – they will inadvertently be totally turned on, whatever reservations they might have had initially with the sex toy. In no time, your partner will be with you in the play. If he or she doesn’t know how to use the toy, you have to show them.

In fact, some sex toy stores could send people to your home to show you how to use the sex toys. This could become a very interesting and sex-filled demo party, which could be made all the more interesting with some booze and cigarettes. You can also get some promo tapes of using the devices.

Finally, here are some things you must keep in mind regarding introducing sex toys into your relationship.

1. Go slow – Begin always with a moderately exciting sex toy, rather than taking the big plunge all at once. Work your way upwards, especially if your partner is orthodox about using it.
2. Go gentle – Do not force anything on your partner. Your partner may like rough sex, but the same may not be true with the sex toys. Wait till he or she gets used to the idea, and then slowly push in.
3. Communicate – Keep talking to your partner when using the toy. This is important to open up inhibitions. Especially if you are putting a butt plug in your man’s anus, or using a strap-on on him, you will need to keep talking to him, or he will feel embarrassed about his masculinity midway and give up.
4. Lubricate – In order to make your sex toys safer, you must use lubricants. You do not want to end up with an injury. Lube bottles must be kept handy when such sexual plays are going on.
5. Be flexible – Sometimes it happens that the first toy you try out on your partner will be a disaster. He or she may not like it. If that happens, do not thrust that toy on your partner, at least not yet. Try something different for the moment.
6. Learn patience – This is very important when you are inducing your partner to do something new. You might have to remove the toy several times from the box and then pack it in again without using it, since your partner is still shaky in the mind about using it. That’s no problem. Be patient and wait.

You must remember that the sex toy is not just for you; both of you have to enjoy it in the right amount. Use a toy which both of you will like. That’s much better than forcing a toy and souring the romantic relationship you might have built up over the years.